The Life of Liz

So yesterday, Gabriel helped me make the biscuits. Really. I measured a cup of flour and poured it in the bowl. Then I measured another one, and handed it to him and he poured it in the bowl. They were a little light on sugar because he didn't understand scooping the tablespoon in and filling it up but there are worse things that could happen to biscuits. He helped put in the baking powder and the salt. And helped cut the butter in. Well, got in the way of putting the butter in. Sort of helped me knead the dough then roll it. Yes, this is probably getting tedious. But it was so exciting!  After that, he helped me put away a couple of pots and pans that were dry in the drainer.

The funny thing is that I asked him to help me as a distraction because he was being so clingy and saying "pick up mommy" which is also funny because I have to resist the urge to say things like, well you can try but I don't think it'll work.

And tonight I went to a talk for 1st time gardeners. Very basic, like you start by planning your garden. Which is what I needed. So now I will go to sleep and dream of my vegetables to be. Yay!

Lately I've been feeling like I'm trying to do so many things that nothing gets done. Soooo, here's the long awaited update on my life:

Still no gainful employment. Plenty of work people would like me to do for free. Two of them include work that might lead to something paid eventually. And I do like grantseeking. I'm not sure why. It's pretty geeky. But my grant writing seems a little dry at this point.

On a related note, I find myself skimming a lot. I'm reading Diet for a Small Planet, which I picked up for a buck at the Friends of the Ypsi Library shop. Yay resale! I find myself reading the point and thinking okay, I buy that. And then she has to go into 20 examples and illustrations. I like the premise but it's taking way too long to ge to the point.

Here it is three weeks into the year and I might already be too late to track what I've read this year. Doesn't say much for the quality of the literature I'm reading, does it?

Right now, Ken's got this walking death cold type thing, so I'm just waiting to see if/when I get sick. I might not, which is weird since he's in so much better shape than I am.

Have the beginnings of a chub club going via my crunchy moms' group. There's definately potential there for mutual support, exercise, pining for chocolate and the like.

I seem to have run out of steam for the moment.

I got this from midnight_starr 

<table width=350 align=center border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2><tr><td bgcolor="#EEEEEE" align=center>
<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='color:black; font-size: 14pt;'>
<strong>Your Pirate Name Is...</strong>
</font></td></tr>
<tr><td bgcolor="#FFFFFF">
<center><img src="http://www.blogthingsimages.com/piratenamegenerator/girl.gif" height="100" width="100"></center>
<font color="#000000">
Skull Crusher Left Eye Lisa
</font></td></tr></table>
<div align="center"><a href="http://www.blogthings.com/piratenamegenerator/">What's Your Pirate Name?</a></div>

<table width=350 align=center border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2><tr><td bgcolor="#EEEEEE" align=center>
<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='color:black; font-size: 14pt;'>
<strong>You Are 65% Pirate</strong>
</font></td></tr>
<tr><td bgcolor="#FFFFFF">
<center><img src="http://www.blogthingsimages.com/wouldyoumakeagoodpiratequiz/pirate-3.png" height="100" width="100"></center>
<font color="#000000">
Garrrr, yer a true pirate down to yer bones.<br />
Yer an originial sea dog, an' ye certainly have earned yer sea legs.<br />
No one be goin' to accuse ye o' bein' a landlubber. <br />
Ye got yer eye on the prize, an' yer willin' to go pillagin' fer some booty.
</font></td></tr></table>
<div align="center"><a href="http://www.blogthings.com/wouldyoumakeagoodpiratequiz/">Would You Make a Good Pirate?</a></div>

I finally rode my bike today. Yay, me! I rode if for 20 minutes and tried to map the route using google. It'd be nice if there was a tool where I coule enter my route and it gave me mileage. It was between 2.5 and 3 miles.

But as per usual, I didn't get enough done today. I never get enough done. Why don't I ever get enough done? Partly because I set myself up with too much to do. Partly because I lack focus. I don't prioritize.  So, I'm trying to use the tools available to me to get focused and get stuff done. What do I want to do?

1. Earn $$ to pay my bills/bring down my debt. (At this point, this looks like it means entrepreneurial efforts, since the job market isn't improving and I'm not getting any better at the networking thing. I would love to be able to work .75 time, but that kind of depends on so many other factors.)
2. Be a good mom & wife. (I don't even want to begin to define this. I think I mostly do it most of the time when I'm not in grumpy bitchy mode.)
3. Get/keep my self in shape. (so not going there right now. suffice it to say i'm working on the exercise part and will worry about the calorie counting crap later.)
4. Get/keep my house in shape. (Everyone should have a dream. I dream of someday having a cleaning service come in. Nuff said.)
5. Support Monkey Rampant and similar activities for Ken. (see good wife stuff above. this is part of what I signed on for).

Okay. So I guess I've prioritized. The only reason earning $$ is at the top is cause it's necessary to the whole being a good wife & mother. If we're  not taking care of our financial responsibilities we can't really take very good care of the boy. So now I have to remember that I have this list & move forward from there. Wish me luck.

So my little sister, who I generally love, is moving in. She's going to be renting a room from us for the school year, if not longer. Well that was the plan. Tonight she informed me that she can't live here with an Obama sign out front unless she can also put up a sign. Either a McCain sign or a prolife sign. Or we could take the sign down.

So, anyone wanna rent a room? I've been thinking that would be a nice TV room, actually.

20 out of 34

Today I walked my bike downtown to get it fixed. I met with someone I'm doing a project with. I got some business planning books out of the library. I bought a bicycle helmet and a light for my bike. I rode my bike most of the way home. I read some of the books. I finished drafting an operating agreement. I picked up Gabriel from daycare. I played with Gabriel in the vicinity of daycare. Gabriel and I visited Ken on the bookmobile. I tried to wear Gabriel home, but he apparently hates the back carry in the Baby Hawk. So I carried him and walked him part of the way home. I did a sinkful of dishes. I made Gabriel dinner while holding him during his meltdown. By the time dinner was ready, all he wanted to do was nurse. So I nursed him while I ate dinner and he had a couple bites. (The trying to put the spoon in the mouth with the nipple was pretty funny.) I'm really tired. And I don't feel like I've gotten anything done!

Happy birthday to aimeejmc!

Wait, am I late? Well, the thought still counts, right?

So another week is almost gone. I'm not really getting anywhere in life of late. I spend my time with my boy. Which is great. But the clock is ticking on the unemployment and I've yet to find a job. So, I guess I need to jumpstart the legal work into full speed. The problem is that my dear husband won't, can't see that Gabriel needs to be in daycare in order for me to actually make progress on this stuff. He keeps harping on about how much money it'll cost. Which is true, it will cost money that we can't strictly afford right now. But it's gonna be much, much worse come October when my unemployment runs out if I don't have some income ready to roll.

Or am I just using that as an excuse? I don't think I am. It is true. I cannot work with that much cuteness in the vicinity. It is way too distracting. The not being completely unpacked yet will also be distracting, but I can work around that. In fact, finishing putting the office together is on my agenda for tomorrow. Right after finishing that operating agreement and reviewing that nda. Now if someone would just pay me to do that sort of thing. Someday.

Saturday, May 31st, TC’s Speakeasy will host a fund raiser for the 2008 Crossroads Summer Festival.  This event is all ages from noon until 6pm at which time it becomes 18+.   Smoking will not be permitted in the stage room during the all ages portion of this event.    

TC’s Speakeasy is located at 207 W. Michigan Avenue.  Doors open at noon and the fun continues all day long into the night.  A donation of $5 to $10 is suggested at the door.  Parking is free.

The entertainment begins with an offering of bands featuring students from the Ann Arbor Music Center also know as the “School of Rock“.  Students range from the ages or 8-18.  At 8 pm the 18+  portion of the schedule begins with a performance by Ypsilanti’s premier sketch comedy troupe - Monkey Rampant.

In addition to the contributions we receive at the door, TC’s is donating a percentage of their sales to the Crossroads Festival.  

Scheduled performers include:  HMS Epidemic,  Shady Lane, Monkey Rampant, Maybe August, Paddy Ash, Rebecca Ryskolczyk, A Hotel Nourishing, 2 Day escape and Mumble.   Lula Jones of the Downtown Association of Ypsilanti will be your Master of Ceremonies.  Crossroads Music Director Frank Wright and event organizer David Curtis will also be in attendance.  

We are deeply grateful to Kristine Itora of TC’s Speakeasy for making this event possible. 

It's amazing to me how much being a mother has made me more of a thinker. How it has increased my patience and my humility. And altered my world view.

I'm working my way through Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn. It's taken me a while because I frequently get tempted by fiction when I'm tired. But the basic premise is that our goal, as parents, is to raise happy, compassionate, responsible, self-determinative adults but most parenting methods and techniques are based on creating compliant children, which by definition will not raise the adults we'd like them to be. I think the subtitle is telling. "Moving from Rewards and punishments to Love and reason."

So, traditional or, as Kohn calls it, conditional parenting has things like arbitrary punishment and consequences for a child's actions. The focus is on getting your child to do what you want the child to do. Unconditional parenting is not focused on control. Rather, it's about teaching your child to make good choices. It's about stimulating creativity. It's about letting your child make his own choices whenever it's appropriate. It's about not setting boundaries for convenience but for safety and necessity.

Yes, I know. It sounds really touchy-feely. Really permissive. Really wimpy. It sounds like you're just stepping out of your child's life and letting him fend for yourself. But that's not it. You're still there, engaged, involved, helping him work through problems and issues. And the thing about it is, this is a really difficult way to parent. Training my child to behave a certain way would really be much more convenient. And easier. Stopping to explain things, to work through tantrums, recognizing that they're expressions of frustration.

I don't know if I'm doing a very good job of explaining it. I told one mother who's opinion I respect about it. And I showed her the principles. As she read them, she said things like well, that doesn't work. I don't think I really communicated the idea wasn't to get your kids to do what you want when you want them to.

So, I'm going to list the principles, as they're labeled in the book: Be reflective; Reconsider your requests; Keep an eye on your long term goals; Put the relationship first; Change how you see, not just how you act; R-E-S-P-E-C-T; Be authentic; Talk less, ask more; Keep their ages in mind; Attribute to children the best possible motive consistent with the facts; Don't stick your no's in unnecessarily; Don't be rigid; Don't be in a hurry.

I'm thinking about this whole thing and will talk more later. Ken just got home and now I'm distracted.

And don't even ask me about my Monday.

So I'm currently in the manic phase of this crazy life cycle I seem to follow. I'm constantly making all these plans and lists of the things I want to/need to/have to do. And yet all I seem to accomplish is getting to and from work and keeping my family fed. My baby's clean and well. Okay so at the moment he's got a cold and will only sleep lying on my lap. But I mean generally, as 14 month old boys go, he's doing well.

I just keep getting sidetracked. This journal keeping writing style I seem to have on the rare occasion that I do in fact manage to post reflects the way my brain functions. I keep coming up with excuses. And the things that have happened to me that have made my life oh so difficult and challenging. But increasingly in my life and my brain, especially at 2:30 in the a.m. sitting on the couch with my baby sprawled across my lap and kitties at my shoulder and my feet, I have the sinking feeling that it really is all my fault. My failure to take responsibility, to be proactive, to choose something rather than just waiting for it to happen. That's why I am where I am today, sitting on a pile of debt with no certainty of income (although I often wonder if that isn't just an illusion anyways) and my phone ringing off the metaphorical hook with the debt collectors wanting to know when I'm going to pay them and get caught up.

So here it is, my resolution: I will choose, decide, pick to do one thing everyday. I will consciously take steps to get myself out of this hole I have dug. And, hey guess what. I actually started yesterday. Versus tomorrow which would normally be when I'd decide to start.

After latching problems, EP for about two months, using and then weaning from a nipple shield, I'm proud to say:
We earned this Wednesday!!

Tomorrow will be Gabriel's first day in daycare. We went Friday and hung out for a few hours. And I'm not really worried about how he's going to do there. My little guy is fine when he's out in the world. He's a social butterfly who loves to play with his new friends and soaks everything up like a sponge. He'll do well there.

I'm actually pretty excited for him because I think the environment will be really great for him. I think he'll thrive on all the activity. I really don't feel like I have the energy to keep stimulating him as much as he needs all day every day. And it's a small, in home center. Where I think he'll get the attention he needs. The woman running it is really great. She models good behavior and stays positive and is extremely understanding and patient.

All in all, this will be a good thing. What I'm worried about is the fact that I'll come home from work, tired, and my guy is just going to want to be glued to me. Of course, I'm going to want to be glued to him as well. So, I anticipate a lot of babywearing. The problem is that while I'm working this temp job I'll also be needing to do those other things that are so often involved in life. Such as making food. Showering. Helping get stuff together for my sister's wedding in two weeks. Christmas shopping.

Oh, and looking for my next source of income, especially considering that now that he's in daycare I won't really want to take him out and screw his routine up again. And, we really need the income. And the other projects I have pending.

Of course, there's always that nagging can I make enough milk worry on top of that.

It'll be fine, right?

Yesterday evening, after Ken had gotten home Gabriel was crawling around the living area of the apartment. He saw Mongo on one of the dining room chairs and went and pulled himself up on the back of the chair. He's standing there, making loud happy baby noises at the old, crotchety cat. Old crotchety cat proceeds to scratch at Gabriel's knuckles. I'm on my way to the chair but not quick enough.

Granted he doesn't actually hurt the baby.
But this is the third time he's clawed at Gabriel. The first two did actually result in scratches. The second one was right next to his eye.

Mongo needs a new home. He's a great cat, tons of personality. He's 18 (?) and doesn't cope well with change. He's never coped well with loud noises and gestures. Which is what comes with a baby/new toddler. Of course, the cat is like a son to Ken.  Ken is very upset about this. Not sure how it's going to work out. Any suggestions?

So, I'm out of it. Like a sip of water sends me trotting to the bathroom. Sitting up makes my stomach cramp. Feeling unwell.

Ken has the day off from work today. So, apparently, because he doesn't have to go to his job, he has the day off. Which means he can sit there and check his email and peruse the link I sent him (more the fool me), and ignore the fact that the boy is pulling all my papers out of the neat (I had thought out of reach) pile I'd had them in.

I wonder if it would be any different if I'd locked myself in the bedroom to get work done? I suspect it would. I suspect that if Mommy's in the room then she can take care of it because Daddy has important things to do. Things that don't earn any money, aren't time sensitive (like the stinky cat box or the diaper champ), and don't promote the well-being of our family.

Of course, I might be a little bitchy, feeling unwell and the like. Perhaps my being awake doesn't promote the well-being of my family. And now he's feeding the boy, doing all that positive interaction stuff that I just don't have the energy for.

It's just one of those days. I feel crappy. But I'm still the mom. So it's never really a sick day. Luckily, it's Ken's day off.

On top of that, a friend of mine who's preganant just got the results of her amnio. He's a downs baby. So they're choosing not to continue the pregnancy. I can't imagine and don't know what I'd do in that situation. I mean, I was raised by the religious right. And my mom was pretty much always pregnant. I have a difficult time with abortion. Not with choice, but with abortion. Don't know if that makes sense, but there you go. I deal with it. There's nothing I can do in this case but support my friend and be there for her.

But what's really bothering me is that there's nothing I can do to help. My friends will grieve. They'll move on. What do you do to help friends grieve?

Happy birthday to flinx!!!  Let's hear it for new friends & many happy returns. 

This morning I was getting some stuff done in the kitchen while waiting for the coffee pot to finish brewing. Gabriel was playing on the floor with plastic containers he had pulled out. And he scrawled (that's his scooting crawl) over to me, tugged on my pajamas and said "Mommmeeee."

First time. Not a bad way to start the week.